I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
