Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
