i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
