if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize