I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
