Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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