Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
