my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
