i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
