She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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