id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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