I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
