There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
