Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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