Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
