so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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