I wanna bring you to show and tell
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
