I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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