i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
