Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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