I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
false alarm, still single
Randomize
