Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
