Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You are a genius and a whore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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