There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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