I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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