It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
whose parrot is this?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
