So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
