Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
