I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
