i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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