Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize