You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
