My liver just broke up with me...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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