if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize