I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
