I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
