Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
