Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize