Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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