She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
