3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
