you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
