The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
