She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
