sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So vagazzling was a success
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
