So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
a search helicopter?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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