Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
