i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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