I must be too annoying 4 u.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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