I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
