omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
