Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
