i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Someone came in the potted fern
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
