What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
