We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
