Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize