Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
