her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
