Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
