god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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