Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
