So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
