everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
